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We all do it. We’ve been doing it since we were tiny, back when our parents were doing it for us. We’re born and raised into a culture of comparison, where each of us is aware of how well we’re prospering in relation to others. We compare ourselves to our friends, our neighbours, our siblings, our peers. We’re not even aware we’re doing it most of the time; comparison is simply the ugly background noise to our own sense of self-esteem: “I wish I had what he has”… “at least I’m not like her.”
In fact if we’re not careful, we can end up rooting our own identity in a weird mix of smug superiority and competitive envy. As much as we know who the villain of the story is, how often do we end up taking the place of that pharisee in Luke 18 who stands in the temple and thanks God that he’s “not like the other men”? And despite all the warnings about coveting thy neighbour’s oxen, how regularly do we find ourselves wincing on social media at other people’s better social lives and cuter babies?
It’s exhausting. Comparison is natural but that doesn’t make it good; culture may have turned it into a virtue which drives ambition and helps us to measure success, but really it’s only the key to emptiness and inequality. But here’s the good news: Jesus addresses it head-on. Jesus knows we can’t help looking over the fence and wishing our garden looked like that; that mixed feelings often bubble within us when we hear someone else’s great news. And thankfully he gives us a very practical tool with which to respond.
In Mark 9, Jesus’ disciples are displaying their obvious unfinished-ness in a crass argument about which of them is essentially their Lord’s favourite. Mark writes that “on the way they had argued about who was the greatest” – remember this happened right after several of them had seen the Transfiguration. In response, Jesus doesn’t pronounce the winner of his X-Factor-style contest to find a new right-hand man; instead he says something which has become a foundation for us in understanding how his kingdom works.
“Anyone who wants to be first, must be the very last, and the servant of all.” (Mark 9:35)
In a culture of comparison, this is an alien idea: that if you want to get ahead, you have to go to the back of the line. Yet there are two ideas at play in this simple statement which attack our natural instincts and put us on the path to subduing them. The first is submission: the practice of putting other people’s priorities ahead of our own. The second is service: the discipline of treating others with practical kindness, not because we want something in return, but because it’s a response to the love that we have first received ourselves.
On the face of it, this makes no sense as a way of ‘being first.’ How do we advance our own ambitions, or make sure we’re getting enough of the pie, if we’re constantly spending our time pushing other people’s agendas? But when you think about it, the system actually makes perfect sense. If all of us spent our time advocating and encouraging others, then the only person not putting you first… is you. This is Jesus’ antidote to selfishness and individualism: everyone out for everyone, instead of everyone out for themselves.
Trying to build your own success is exhausting, and laced with personal angst. Looking for opportunities to build up others is, by comparison life-giving and usually met with gratitude. Hoarding stuff makes you feel bloated and empty; living openly and generously gives you a hugely enlarged sense of self-worth. Using your time selfishly leads to guilt; giving it to others is almost always rewarding. The economy of the kingdom isn’t magic; it’s just the way we were always designed to live with each other.
So it turns out that subscribing to a culture of comparison is actually a choice. We can choose to remain locked in a fruitless race to see if we can just do a little better than the next person, or we can decide to live our lives committed to mutual submission and service, not competing with, but preferring one another. I guarantee there’s a whole lot more joy to be found in pursuing the latter approach. If you’re exhausted by the battle to stay ahead, maybe it’s time to break your programming and turn comparison on its head.
Martin Saunders is a Contributing Editor for Christian Today and the Deputy CEO of Youthscape. Follow him on Twitter @martinsaunders.
