Life & Society

XXX Church Shares Hopeful Message For Cheating Spouses: ‘God Was Waiting There to Catch Me’

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Do cheaters deserve a second chance? The answers might vary from person to person, but Stephen Kuhn from XXX Church, an online ministry dedicated to helping people with porn and sex addictions, is just grateful his wife forgave him after he cheated on her using porn.

"I hid my porn addiction from my wife for the majority of our marriage. When I finally did confess it to her, it was like a bomb went off in her heart. She felt hurt, betrayed, blindsided, and angry," he confessed on their website.

They went to counselling in the hopes of repairing their marriage. Kuhn recalled that he even played the victim and blamed his wife for not knowing how to forgive him even after he came clean. But his wife said she just couldn't trust him, and confessed she felt trapped because she did not know whether she should fight for their marriage or leave it.

As difficult as it was to admit, Kuhn said his wife was actually right about not trusting him. "I hadn't built up the courage to face the full extent of my addiction yet and was still hiding the worst details from her. I had actually cheated on her (not just with porn, but with another woman), but was too much of a coward to admit it, so I continued to lie. I told her over and over I had confessed everything… even though I hadn't," he said.

Kuhn figured he could lie and bluff his way out of the situation, but he received a painful wake-up call when his wife asked him to move out. Kuhn said he was actually afraid that if he confessed everything, then his wife would surely leave him. He thought he could handle the situation better than God could, so he continued messing things up.

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"The breaking point for me was when God showed me how my wife would never be free from the spiritual bondage in her life unless I confessed my adultery to her. Even if it meant she would leave me, I knew I had to tell her everything for her own good. For the first time in our marriage, I started to put her well-being above my own desires," he said.

He wrote his wife a letter explaining everything. It was the hardest thing he's ever done, but in that moment, Kuhn said God became real to him for the first time in his life. "All the signs of change my wife had been looking for in me — repentance, humility, empathy, compassion — suddenly became undeniably evident in my life," he said. "Not because I was creating them, but because I finally released control of my life to God and allowed Him to create them in me."

Kuhn thought writing the letter would end what happiness was left in his marriage. Instead, it opened the floodgates of God's freedom and mercy in his life. "I had reached the end of my rope, only to find that God was waiting there to catch me," he shared.

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