Most people bristle at the idea of making small talk after church. But let’s face it: church guests learn a lot about the heartbeat and the culture of a church from small talk. To a newcomer, a five-minute conversation after a church service can tell them far more than hours spent surfing the church website. Simply put, church guests will meet your staff, church members, and regular attenders. These people are the face of your church. They are your first-string varsity team.
Are they ready?
Fortunately, small talk is something that can be taught. It’s a very simple way for a church to express the kind of warmth and generosity that the gospel creates. No better time is available for small talk than right after a church service. Church guests who bounce straight out the door are still scoping the church, but guests who linger are looking to connect. Will they?
Small talk can be done for God’s glory. Nothing is insignificant or beyond the reach of being leveraged for God’s glory, including small talk. Besides, small talk often turns to gospel conversations, especially in a church context. Every conversation moves from superficial to profound, and if it starts the other way, don’t you usually feel a little intimidated? We don’t want to do that with church guests. So start small and aim big!
Here are 4 ways to make small talk a big deal:
1. Be Genuine, Don’t Make It Contrived
The worse thing you can do after a church service is to contrive a connection with a church guest. By that, I mean create an awkward situation. Like I said above, some people are looking for connection, others are still checking your church out. You want to respect that.
At the same time, you don’t want to be unaware of your surroundings. As soon as a service lets out, glance around to see if someone unfamiliar is around you. If they are lingering, and they aren’t talking to anyone, then it is likely that they want to meet people, become known, and develop a sense of belonging. They’re waiting for you, the person who does belong, to invite them into belongingness and fellowship. Facilitate that fellowship by initiating an un-contrived thoughtful conversation.
2. Start with Thoughtful Questions
When you start that conversation, begin with perceptive questions.
I used to be a pastor at a “mega-church”. It’s not what it’s cracked up to be, but that’s an aside. It was normal to introduce myself to people I’d never met but also had attended my church for longer than I. That taught me to not ask, “Are you new here?” Inevitably the response to that question would be a hurt, “No.” with an implied, “Don’t you know who I am?” That’s not a good start.
It didn’t take long to learn a different approach. I now always open with, “How long have you attended [insert your amazing church here]?” To which, if I discover that they are newcomers, I ask, “What brought you to us?” This usually opens the door to learning about relocation, new conversions, a need for change, or a hurt experience from another church. Usually that small talk moves to deep and sweet fellowship in just a matter of questions.
3. Stay Focused, Keep Eye Contact, Convey Interest
When speaking with newcomers, focusing and engaging them with undistracted attention is absolutely imperative. I hope you hear that in a very Ethan-from-Mission-Impossible voice. Seriously, I’m a squirrel and it’s easy for my attention to wander. But distractedness screams that you’d rather be anywhere else than talking to them. You want a newcomer to see your interest in them. Focus all your attention on her like she’s the only person in the world.
I offer one caveat. You want to also be mindful of your wife who is standing next to you with a toddler in one arm, holding on to the arm of a three-year old boy with donut face by the other arm, and has that unspoken expression, which says, everyone is hungry, and you have to do something about transitioning this conversation with these guests. After all, that first encounter must end.
4. Sustain the Connection
By sustain the connection I mean one of a few things. First, you should ask if it would be okay for you to follow up (don’t forget to get contact information). Secondly, you might invite this person to lunch, or, at minimum, you might pass the baton on to a staff member. Really, you get a hat-trick when doing all three.
This means you need to know your pastoral staff. If at all possible, you want to connect this newcomer to one of them. If your church has a “connection card” or equivalent, you’ll also want to ask the newcomer if they’ve filled that out. If not, help them fill it out, and get it in the hands of a pastoral staff member.
Finally, develop a culture in your family that is willing to invite someone to lunch. We occasionally have a crock-pot going at home just waiting for new friends to feast from.
Small Talk is a Big Deal!
Small talking after church may not seem like a big deal, but it might just save someone’s life, spiritually or more. People do come to church because they are hurting, and they are looking to belong. Don’t miss this opportunity to welcome newcomers into your community for the glory of God.
About The Author
Joey Cochran, a ThM graduate of Dallas Seminary, is the church planting intern at Redeemer Fellowship in St. Charles, Illinois under the supervision of pastor Joe Thorn. You can follow him at jtcochran.com or @joeycochran.
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