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The day you become a parent, your life will never be the same again. Your schedules will change, your spending will change, your priorities will change, and yes even your marriage will change. Having kids adds a great deal to your responsibilities. That's not to say that kids are a burden, but they are high maintenance bundles of joy.
Often married couples can watch a few things ebb away as kids start filling the household, but one thing is for sure – intimacy should not be one of them. Becoming a parent should be in no way any reason to accept defeat in the fight for intimacy. In fact, with the right perspective and heart stance, we can even grow more in intimacy after having kids.
Children are not the end to physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy, but can actually be a new beginning for a whole new way of keeping connected. Here are five ways for married couples to retain and even grow in intimacy after having kids.
Grow in your intimacy with God
Our relationships will always be at their best when we are satisfied and filled up with our relationship with God. In the exhaustion of family life, we can sometimes fall into a "satisfy me" mode. We put the burden on our spouse to fill us up when only Jesus can truly fulfill that task. Matthew 6:33 is a good reminder: "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." I'm pretty sure marital intimacy is one of them.
Take time to be alone regularly
Married couples, let's be real. We all need time alone for various reasons, not just sex! It is not a mortal sin to desire and plan for time to be alone. In fact, every couple should invest effort and even finances to dedicating alone time. Staycations, vacations or having your kids spend time with other family members are just a few of the ways to gain that.
Start outside of the bedroom
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We don't always have to be physical and touchy to be intimate. We can be sexually active but remain stale if we do not seize the chances to be intimate outside of the bedroom. Do your gadgets, work or hobbies steal time that should be spent learning about the thoughts, concerns, dreams and ambitions of your spouse? It's time to shift more of that attention if it is.
Don't make kids the center of your life
I was taught by mentors and my parents that the priority of every husband is first and foremost his wife before the kids. I love my daughter very, very much, but not as much as I cherish my wife Ces. Marriage always comes first because when the marriage is at its best, the kids will greatly benefit from it as well.
Clean up the excess baggage
Kids are not the most time and energy draining things of our day. There can be other things that suck us dry like an unnecessary habit, a toxic relationship at work, too much television or social media, or even a sin struggle. When we clean up our act and be deliberate about removing excess baggage, we will find we actually have more time than we actually think.
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