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Healthy expectations can be beneficial in many ways. We need to be clear about expectations before taking on a business venture, starting a project, going into training or even entering into a relationship.
Most of the time we come into something with a set of expectations whether were aware of them or not, and that's also true of marriage.
Some expectations can be minor and irrelevant, while others may have more serious consequences if they are unmet.
- "She's going to be beautiful inside and out forever."
- "He's going to provide for me in every season."
- "She'll always wake up smiling and with that sparkle in her eyes and with perfect hair."
- "He'll never forget to put down the toilet seat."
There is nothing wrong with having a set of expectations. They can help us and help each other become better. But when couples put too much focus and attention on their expectations, they can miss the point.
Ephesians 5:22 and 25 tell us, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Funny as it may sound but sometimes husbands zero in on verse 22 and wives have their eyes set on verse 25 when it should be the other way around. Our prayer can go from "Lord, mold me and shape me to the man or woman I am to be" to "Lord, please change the attitude of my spouse."
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Of all false expectations, the deepest and most flawed of all is the expectation we put on our spouse to complete us. He's my husband or she's my wife so he or she should meet my needs. Sadly, when we put this expectation on our spouse, we will be extremely disappointed. Why? Because your spouse isn't perfect.
As much of a blessing as marriage is, the only person who can complete us is Jesus Christ. We cannot put the weight of security, satisfaction and purpose on our spouse. We are to take it from Christ and let the outflow trickle down to our marriage as our spouse does the same.
When we make Jesus the starting point of every expectation, the burden of marriage seems to get lighter. Sure she may not always make sense to you, but know that Jesus knows your wife's heart and will work on it even if you can't. Yes, your husband may not always bring home the bacon, but all provision comes through Jesus Christ and as long as we trust in Him all needs will be met.
If you want to expect anything out of your marriage, build an expectant heart to see God's move and intervention first – seeking His kingdom and righteousness and your marriage expectations will fall into place.
