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“When I get married, I’ll finally feel fulfilled.”
This statement is so simple and so common, and yet has the power to destroy a person and even their own marriage. Why?
Everyone in this world is looking for love. As emotional beings, our soul cries out for affection and affirmation. As a result, people jump from one relationship to another hoping to find the perfect romance that will fill up their hearts for good. There’s just one problem: the heart never stays satisfied.
A dissatisfied heart can even be the trigger for a broken marriage. Any financial, relational or spiritual problem between husband and wife traces back to a heart that looks for fulfilment in the wrong place – most commonly their spouse. In other words, couples are looking for satisfaction from each other only to be dissatisfied by each other.
Here’s a reality that I face on a daily basis: my wife will never be satisfied with me. I’m just too limited, sinful, broken and stubborn to ever be enough for her heart. But I do know that my wife is satisfied not because of what I am to her but because of who God is. My wife is satisfied with marriage because she acknowledges that there is another Person involved in our marriage and that Person is Jesus.
To the world, it may seem peculiar and far-fetched to think that a Christ-centred marriage would be any different. I guess that’s why Paul said in 1 Corinthians 1:23, “but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.”
A marriage centred on the gospel is a marriage that understands that we enter marriage not because we are searching for fulfilment but instead because Jesus has already fulfilled and we now simply put into our marriage the outflow of what we now have in Christ.
The kind of marriage God wants us to have is one that declares Psalm 23:5b: “my cup overflows.” A marriage where two hearts are unfulfilled and cling on to another person to have that hunger satisfied will disappoint, but when we come into marriage with our hearts overflowing with the love, affirmation, affection and approval that comes with Jesus Christ and the cross, we will treat our marriage not as an empty bucket to be filled but one that simply receives the overflow of a heart now satisfied.
Our attitude towards our spouse should never be “fill me up,” but should be “I have been filled in Christ, and now I give to you the overflow.” When we live with that kind of mindset, our marriages will never be the same again and will only become a blessing – not just to one another but to everyone that bears witness to the couple you are, ruled by the author of marriage Himself – our bridegroom, Jesus Christ.
