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Marriages can sometimes fee like battlefields more than blessings. As a result, we wonder whether we can ever fulfil God’s design for marriage. By our own strength, we definitely can’t, but by acknowledging Jesus as the center of your marriage and the motivation you have as a couple, you can thrive even in the midst of conflict.
If there’s one thing I have learned in my marriage is that I need the grace of God. I grew up in a Christian home where I was taught to prepare for a Godly marriage, but conversations, books, trainings and homilies seem to all go out the window when you first step into a home with your spouse.
So many Christian couples come into a marriage thinking that they’re prepared to face anything and that conflict need not arise, but it inevitably does. So why is it that even ‘good’ marriages seem to have so much conflict?
Well, the core reason really is because our sinful nature has made us into beings of conflict. Because of our sin, husbands and wives are prone to weigh heavier on a selfish side often looking to our own interests first. I have to admit that as selfless, “Christian” and loving as I think I am, deep in me is a sinful nature that will always cause conflict in every area of my life, not just in my marriage.
Sure we can be different and that could cause conflict too, but difference once perfected shouldn’t cause us to brew conflict but to compliment one another. At the core of the battle of difference is still a stubborn and prideful nature that refuses to do things God’s way – or to submit to each other out of reverence for Christ.
Even Paul had a thorn in the flesh that caused conflict, both internal and external. Because we are imperfect people, conflict will come. But that doesn’t mean that we should just throw in the towel and give up on our marriages. Know that a marriage centered on Christ can grow and pursue God’s purposes even in the midst of arguments, fights and disagreements.
Sure you can fight pretty often, but once your hearts are aligned with God and you rely on His grace more and more, God can actually bring in more unity and peace into your relationship as you and your spouse find yourselves fighting less about things that aren’t worth ruining marriages for.
Conflicts caused by jealousy, pride, arrogance, selfishness and deceit do not have to thrive in your marriage. There is fullness of joy in a relationship ordained and led by Christ. The question is whether we let Him in and give Him enough room to work in our marriages.
As we continue to walk in a marriage that is tainted by conflict, we must look more and more to Jesus as the perfecter of our relationships. In 2 Corinthians 12:9, Jesus declares, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” In the midst of conflict caused by our sinful nature, we can allow God’s forgiveness, love, compassion, understanding and selflessness flow through us as we allow Christ to take the driver’s seat in our marriages.
