Life & Society

XXX Church shares tips for wives who want to help their husbands overcome porn addiction


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Most husbands who have porn addictions are never really proud of it, so when their wives finally discover their secret addiction, both parties end up feeling devastated.

XXX Church, an online ministry helping people with porn and sex addictions, understand that wives feel disillusioned and distressed when they find out about their husbands’ addictions. But Forest Benedict writes on the ministry’s website that all hope is not lost, and there is still a way their husbands can rise above their porn addiction.

The first thing wives must do is get support for themselves. “Wives in this situation often feel isolated and alone. Some of them may have a trustworthy friend, but their husband may resent them for sharing such personal information. Finding a supportive group in a confidential setting is fundamental,” says Benedict. “Finding a group that sees the wives’ experience as ‘trauma,’ not a ‘co-dependency’ issue, will be essential.”

Benedict points out that porn use is not “normal” male behaviour. People will always be tempted to view pornography, but excessive viewing is no longer healthy, he says.

Benedict also advises wives to go easy on themselves. “Self-compassion is an effective tool for those suffering from trauma and emotional pain. Evidence has shown self-compassion to decrease anxiety and depression,” he explains. “Practicing self-compassion through self-care is essential for women suffering from such betrayal.”

On the other hand, there might be some wives who feel so betrayed by their husbands’ secret porn use that they use shaming language in their fights. Benedict says addiction is fuelled by shame, so belittling words will only make the situation worse.

Lastly, wives are encouraged to seek knowledgeable help. “Depending on the depth and duration of the addiction, men can find help from a support group, therapy with a skilled clinician, or even in-patient or outpatient programs,” Benedict writes.

Because wives are so intent on getting their husbands “fixed,” they might inadvertently neglect their own relational wounds. Finding the right help will be essential for both partners to heal from the trauma, Benedict says.

Original Article

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