Pixabay
A lot of Christians struggle with finding the right partner to marry and settle down with. Some of them are baffled why God appears unwilling to give them a happy relationship.
Pastor Perry Noble of NewSpring Church says there are eight reasons why they just can’t get the date and eventual spouse they’re looking for.
He says on his podcast that the first reason is that it’s just not the right time. “God said there is a certain order in the processes,” says Noble. “We’ve got to make sure our life is in order. One of the worst things you can do as a single person is spend so much time evaluating other people and not actually evaluating yourself, and getting other people involved in that process.”
Next, people might be too obsessed with the idea of getting married that they neglect their walk with Jesus. Noble says he has seen people fall under this trap several times. “A person is in love with the idea of getting married so much so that their walk with Jesus will actually suffer. If this is true, this is called idolatry,” he says.
When people love the idea of marriage more than they love Jesus, Noble says they will only end up disappointed. “Because when you desire someone else more than you desire God, that someone else is going to let you down time, after time, after time,” he explains. Noble suggests people run hard after Jesus instead, and “if the person that you are wanting to pursue, or is pursuing you, is right beside you in that run, then they’re probably the one.”
The third reason why people remain single is they are bitter, says Noble. People must ask God’s help first to get rid of bitterness, because the worst thing bitter people can do is get married. “We’re supposed to be better together, not bitter together,” the pastor says.
The fourth reason is single people struggle with impurity, such as porn addiction. Noble says people must be strong and deal with their addictions first before letting other people into their lives.
Next, Noble suspects some people are just trying too hard to pursue a partner in life. There are some guys who aggressively pursue and stalk several women, which leaves a negative impression on those they want to impress. “Eventually when girls see you coming they’re going to run,” he warns. In the same vein, Noble says women must not throw themselves at men.
The sixth reason, continues Noble, is that some Christians find identity in who they date more than their relationship with Jesus. Noble admits he was guilty of feeling this himself. “For years, and years, and years when I was single, eons ago, I found my identity in whether or not I was dating someone. So if I was dating someone, or if I had a date, I felt good about myself. If I did not have a date or I did not have a girl that was interested in me, I did not feel good about myself,” he says.
Now, he has learned that if he finds his identity in Jesus, then he will never be let down—regardless if he has a partner in life or not.
Surprisingly, the seventh reason why Christians are unable to find love in other people is because they are willing to compromise just to go out with someone. There are some Christians who engage in “missionary dating,” which is the act of dating a non-believer in the hopes of bringing them to Christ.
“I’ll be honest with you. It’s mostly girls that’ll compromise quicker than guys,” says Noble. “They keep compromising because they feel like they have to. If you feel like you have to compromise before the relationship, after the relationship begins there will be nothing but compromise, after compromise, after compromise.”
Lastly, Noble says people won’t find happiness in relationships unless they are responsible financially. “If you want to find a wife, one of the best things you can do today is… do whatever it takes to get out of debt,” the pastor urges. “I’m telling you money problems and marriage problems hold hands. They’re like first cousins. If you really want to set yourself up for success, do whatever it takes.”
